Step 2- Day 35

Mood: Headache. Pollen everywhere. A bit tired. Still trying to catch up on last sleep from staying up too many nights watching re-runs of old TV shows. I get so obsessive sometimes...

Music: "Jessica", by The Allman Brothers. An classic, free-wheeling AB instrumental jam. A joyous ride down memory lane. A great melody. It does remind me of happy Summer road trips:)

Garden: Mowed!! Did it last night after work. Lush. green, full. So nice. Doesn't take too long too. Just my kind of lawn. Just in-time for the rain! Just in time for hay fever!! Oh well.

Step 2 -

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

Ah, here we are, back with power with a capitol "P". I am still grappling with that. I hesitate to attach myself to things that seem other-worldly. First you have to understand who "you" are, before you can say what this thing that is greater than yourself is. And you have to decide if you even agree that there is something greater than yourself, let alone what it might be or look like.

I mean who am I, and how does that relate or EVERYTHING else? Conventionally, I would say that I am a person. A hominid. A human animal. An animal that thinks, talks, and can believe things. A human animal that has habits, tendencies, socialization and has been raised in a certain culture. Not all humans are alike, even if we share the same basic traits and characteristics.

Next, I would want to want to see how this one human animal relates to the other human animals in her immediate environment. I am an older human animal. I have offspring. I have a family, some of whom are still living, though I do not live with any of them. They are spread out around the country. I live in a a town and community of other humans; friends, neighbors and the like, not related.

I have a home, a job, co-workers, I can read and write. I speak N. American English. I have some education, average for my time and place. I am not rich or poor. I have enough of all the basic necessities and some extra. So by the vast majority on the planet, I am actually very well off. I am comfortable, in every sense of the word.

And yet, I sit here writing this blog feeling unfulfilled. Not happy. Discontent. So the question next is, if I have all the basic material needs met, then what part of me is not happy, not satisfied? I feel emotionally lack luster, which is better today, than the days when I feel truly unhappy, afraid, lonely or angry. But still, what can cause these feelings when all my other needs are met? What more could I need, really? What do I feel is lacking? What do I think I still need?

So if I am a human animal, part of a community of human animals, and withing that community I am taken care of, needs met, then what about this arrangement is not working? The question that is posed in this step is that there is a state of mind that is needing to be restored. It is stating that I am not sane, and that my sanity needs to be restored. But was it ever lost, and if so, how and when? But what is sanity?

1. (noun) sanity
the condition or quality of being sane; soundness of health of body or mind, especially of the mind;saneness

2. (adj) sane
mentally sound; possessing a rational mind; having the mental faculties in such condition as to be able to anticipate and judge of the effect of one's actions in an ordinary maner; -- said of persons

OK, so if sanity or being sane is a state of mind then how does one loose it? It is stated that a sane mind is a rational mind, that is bale to judge the effects of one's actions in an ordinary manner. And other's actions, for that matter. So being insane would be the opposite. It would be irrational and not able to judge the effects of you, or another's actions , in an ordinary manner. Ordinary manner being everyday, common place, mundane. Your day-to-day life.

So ordinary life is impaired by this irrational thinking and behavior. I would say that is true in-terms of addictions and other disorders, mental or otherwise. Everyday life is disrupted. Things which seem common place become complicated or impossible to relate to or accomplish. Whether it is your condition, or the condition of another, your life is thrown into an upheaval.

Thanks for listening!

Keep coming back:)

Looking forward to: A day off.....

Challenges: "Letting go and letting God....."