Step 1 - Day 26

Mood: Churning. I've been more aware these last few days of the particular brand of neurosis I subscribe to. What I am doing, every moment of every day, mentally. Not sure it will ever change, but at least I am seeing it more than I have.

Music: "Spanish Castle", by Jimi Hendrix. Great song for a raining day, to make you fel kick-ass when it is otherwise soggy, dreary and sleepy.

Garden: Wet! The lilacs are starting to bloom. I have been loving the progression of the various species of flora that are volunteering themselves for my enjoyment. I'm waiting for another dry day to mow the lawn now. It finally really needs it.

Step 1-

"We admitted we were powerless over ___(alcohol)-that our lives had become unmanageable"

So, if anyone noticed, I haven't written anything for the last two days. was it laziness? Overwhelm? Avoidance? Or a combination of all the above. So be it. It is past. I know I just didn't want to write. I decided not to hammer myself about it for a change. I have been feeling the weight of realization, but it has not been feeling liberating. It has felt painful. Not more stuff that I do! Yuck! I am very attached, I guess, to the significance of what it is I do or am. There seems to be an ideal of what is good, right or expected. And then there is what I do, which is somehow not. So much judgement, internally, all the time. Where did it all come from? And why do I feel I come up short most of the time?

Thanks for listening!

Keep coming back:)