Mood: Confused. I saw my son a community gathering last night. He seemed good. I hugged him and tried to talk with him, but he was distant. It still hurts so much.
Music: "Another day," by Jim Gilmour. A song about acceptance, of life as it is, not what we "think" it should be.
Garden: Double dug the final bed of the veggie garden this morning. raked all the beds to break up clods, and make the soil fine enough to plant in. Starts go in tomorrow.
Step 3-
" Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him."
I feel raw this morning, after seeing my son last night. I am being reminded that no matter what happens in my life, it is my decision as to how I want to experience it. I am experiencing it as pain and suffering. Pain at the concern I feel for my son, his choices of who he is associating with, and whether I should be doing anything for him. Suffering at wanting it to be other than how it is. Wanting him to be well. Wanting us to not be where we are. Wanting not to be feeling what I am feeling right now. I feel angry, I feel disappointed. I feel scared. I feel worried and I feel confused. What should I do? I should I handle all this?
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