Step 2 - Day 58

Mood: Tired. Worked at a friend's music festival last night till midnight. Up for work today at the usual time. Yawn:)

Music: "Rock And Roll Band," by Boston. Fitting, since I hung out with the bands last night at the music festival, and will again tomorrow. Most of them are from out-of-town and even some from out of the country! I work the green room, so I get to see the unglamorous side of being a touring musician. It is a really a job most of the time!

Garden: Wet. No change there.

Step 2-

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

The last few days in the CTC, they have been covering the 12 Steps sequentially, one step per-day. Since I have not covered these steps, other than to read then at meetings, I have been glossing over them, finding my attention not focusing very well. Also, it has been rather busy this week, with all sorts of Summer happenings, so I have not been as focused as I could be, usually. Today's step is Step ten. it talks of continuing to take personal inventory, so that you can make amends as soon as you can, to keep your slate clean. It made me think of Step 4, in which you do the first initial inventory, the major clean-up. I ave been trying to imagine what that would be like, and how daunting it could be, since I am such a perfectionist. I find it hard to remember some things that happened last week, let alone 20-30 years ago, but I suppose as you start the clean-up process, it becomes easier.

So let's go back to Step 2, which is where I am at, at least for now, but I am feeling I am getting ready to head into the next step, Step 3, as this 12 Steps in 12 Months process continues. My definition of this Power greater than myself is continuing to evolve. Since I am a studier of non-dual teachings, as well as 12 Step, I can see similarities, if you choose to look for them. In non-dual teachings, you are coming to recognize who you really are, as the witness, or watcher, to all that is manifest of transpiring. In the 12 Steps, you are recognizing that "you" are not in control, and that the "you" that you thought you were, is in-fact a collection of habits, traits and conditioning, which may or may not change, but that you can experience serenity in knowing this a living with surrender to "who" is really in-charge.

By knowing that the Power we talk about in 12 Step work is the clear, serene awareness that we talk about in non-duality, and that is in-fact who you really are, you can learn to rest in that state of pure being and be much less attached to who the personality does. This does not mean irresponsibility though. It means that there is divine wisdom, and a divine plan, that is manifesting, and by surrendering and trusting in that, you can "let go, and let God" and enjoy your life a whole lot more. Irritations that are caused by "others" bother you a whole lot less as well, because it is all seen as part of a plan, and one that is so fast and complex, that the mind of this one personality could never grasp it all.

Restoring us to sanity is the process of that surrender, that letting go. Restoring us to serenity is the act of trusting and allowing, being with and blessing what is happening, no matter what, as being OK, because it is part of the plan. This can be a radical thing for a personality that is addicted to being in control and having it's way. This does not mean though that the personality ever experiences what might be called pleasure. But when it does, we are not attached to that as well. Either way, pleasure or pain, as the personality sees it, is accepted as what is. The serenity comes in knowing and living by this. Sanity is restored when we no longer see ourselves as just the personality, but a loving and wise God, acting THROUGH the personality, to fulfill it's will. Nice, huh?

Thanks for listening!

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