Step 3 - Day 61

Mood: Floating. I have been feeling very much in my love body, my self that is OK with things, as they are. It feels like being in-love. I feel so much tenderness toward everyone.

Music: Putamayo compilation, "India," a mix of contemporary East Indian artists.

Garden: I weeded and pulled up grass around flower beds and such, since I don't have a weed whacker yet. hands work just find though, and can be more precise.

Step 3-

" Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him"

I have been thinking about God, creator, and what the nature of my relationship to Him is. Before you can turn your will and your life over to Him, you have to have an understanding of who or what the Him is, as well. I currently see this as a dance of that which is Him, in the world, with other aspects or reflections of Him. I am a shard of the whole, and I am the shadow and reflection of the same whole as well. My mind, heart and body are an aspect of the creators, like a cell in a larger body, and I work with or interact with other cells, to do various functions together. Not all cells have the same function though. Brain cells and liver cells, do not do the same job.

How does this work then, when I look at the Third Step? If I am already an aspect of the creators will, then how can "I" turn myself over to Him? Who is doing the turning over? More accurately, it would be that which believes it to be separate, individual, the ego, that must surrender to the will of the creator, to God. The pain and suffering we experience are the direct result of this false sense of self believing it is in-charge, and running the show. When this false self does not get it's way, it can be a terror. The true self knows, at all times, what is best. what is actually happening is the true will of the creator. It is only the attachment, and reaction to this, by the ego, that causes all the pain and suffering in the world.

I, the "me" that I think I am, can either realize that that it is unreal, and therefore not in-charge, or it can assert itself and fail. Either way, reality will continue to unfold, with or without the ego's help. Myself as an aspect of God's will, can rest in the joy, and float in the love, that permeates all events, and all happenings, knowing that everything is OK, just the way it is. This is the only true reality. This is the only real perspective. The workings of the universe are vast and unknowable. All "we" can do is just watch, and respond to, what is right here, right now. Our little piece of heaven. Let everything else take care of itself.

Can the ego decide to turn itself over to the will of God? Is it every really in-charge of this at all? if everything happening is the will of God, then isn't the turning over, or surrendering to God's will as well? All "we" can do again, in this instance, is just to observe, to see what is really there. When we look, when we really look, there is no ego, no personal will, and there never was. It was just an illusion. It has no life of itself. It is the mistaken identity, of something that cannot be. And this mistaken identity has it's own life-span. It will "die", in it's own time and in it's own way. So relax! There is a plan for everything.

Thanks for listening!

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