Step 2 - Day 55

Mood: Participating. I am participating in my life, observing what is happening and taking notes. Ah, "so this is what I do when......."

Music: The River.

Garden: Still waiting for my loving attention. It will have to wait a bit longer, still, though.

Step 2-

"Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity"

Who is this self I am talking about, when I say "myself" or "ourselves"? This is a crucial question. The immediate response I can give, when I think of that, is my personality. That collection of habits, behaviors and traits that are a result of my life and circumstances. As I have seen, when I have tried to see if any unwanted traits or behaviors could be changed, that they sometimes do, but often not when "I" want them to. I have sometimes tried for years to change something, only to see it change overnight, without "my" effort at all.

How? Why? "Who" is responsible for this change then, if it is not "me"? There is no better way to see that there is a Higher Power, than to contemplate this phenomena. It truly is out of "my" hands! The challenge is for me to allow, or surrender to, the reality that there really is no "me" running the show. There never was. My greatest suffering has come from this belief that there ever was this "me". So, how can I return to this pure awareness, before all the insanity and confusion started? I am told, that that awareness has never left "me", it is just buried under all the muck.

Winnowing away, allowing to fall away or drop-off. That is the process that must transpire. Maybe allowing is not even a good word for it. Observing. Watching it happen. It will happen when it will. The "I", the one that thinks it is watching, may be the one that will fall away, only to reveal the real "I", the witness, that has been observing all along. What a relief to know "I" am not in-charge of all this! it has been a tremendous burden to bear. The "I" that thought is was is getting near ready to lay down and give it a rest. A permanent rest.

Thanks for listening!

Keep coming back:)